Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
