I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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