My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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