Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
