I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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