I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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