We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize