I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
