Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
