Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
