i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize