Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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