accomplished twins. life is a go
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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