Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
