Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
