Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
