I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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