Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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