margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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