Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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