Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
