I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
These tits shall not be calmed
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
