I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Come on in and take your pants off
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
