it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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