Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
