I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
