An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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