Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I am one with the molecules
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
