After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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