So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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