Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
