so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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