I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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