my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
