I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
