I cannot find my penis.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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