I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
