Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
