At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
