Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
