Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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