Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
