Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
