why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
