Your dad touched me again.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize