Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
