I'm so fucking centered right now
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize