the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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