there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
