don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Someone shattered a urinal.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
