does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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