I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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