I didn't shave. On purpose
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
