I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
time to smoke my breakfast
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
