I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
