that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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