apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
