All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
