I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize