guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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