Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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