Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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