mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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