Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
