Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
