Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
