There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
