I wanna passion pit in your ass
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
