I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
