I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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