just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
