using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
