Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
