You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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