After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
