life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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