You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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