we made out on top of his cat.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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