1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
as a side note pls kill me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
