Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
