i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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