I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just saw a hot homeless man
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize